Sunday, August 10, 2014

Pinterest Philosopher


A dear friend recently posted this quote on his business page. You see, he is in the business of grief. He owns a funeral home. I don't know how he deals with it. I don't know how he walks into that business every day knowing he is facing people in the worst times of their lives. He is meant to do it. He is good at it. He is there to comfort, and to say the right things at the right times. I know, because he has been there through my own grief. I will be forever grateful for him. 

This quote meant a lot to me, because it seemed just perfect to describe how I feel. I am a "rememberer." I am the one on this earth who is made to remember Connor. He was a part of me. Who else could remember him better? 

I feel though that sometimes people confuse remembering with obsessing or not "moving on". I hate that phrase moving on by the way. I feel like it was invented to make the grieving feel guilty. Doesn't it just sound awful to "move on"? You can, however, move on and not forget. You can still mention your loved one and be "moving on". 

I feel like I am in a good place. I am in a better place than I ever imagined I could be just 15 months ago. I felt like I could never breath normally again back then. Now, I go weeks without crying. I still remember. I still speak his name. That will never stop. He is and always will be my first born son. 

It just isn't the same. Remembering and being stuck in grief. Please don't assume that just because I mention him or seem down on some days, just because I share articles or speak about breaking the silence "still", that I am stuck in my grief. 

I am growing daily, within this grief that will always be with me. 

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