Sunday, July 27, 2014

Pinterest Philosopher

Another oldie making a return. I will search for a quote on Pinterest each week and post it here. Sometimes I will add some writing with it. Sometimes I will just post the image. Either way, I enjoy these quote images. I hope you do too. 

No matter what you are going through. Don't forget to stop every once in a while and consciously turn on that light. 

Friday, July 25, 2014

Insta Friday

It has been nearly a year since I have participated in Insta Friday. I have still followed Life Rearranged on Facebook and the blog itself. I had lost touch with Instagram. I lately found my love for Instagram again, so I decided to jump back into Insta Friday. 

Here is my week in Instagram pictures: 

The weather has been super nice off and on, which is very odd for this time of year. 
On this day, a picnic lunch completed the perfect view and weather.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Something New

I have not done one of Mama Kat's writing workshops in a long time. I figured this week was a perfect time to get back involved with the writing workshop, with my goal to write more.

I chose:
3.) Something new.

I have the perfect inspiration to write a post about something new. This post connects back to another writing workshop assignment. It happened last September: 

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

I am not my grief.

Still Standing Magazine recently posted a link up. It is one that I can fully get behind. The link up involves an exercise for us all to realize we are not our grief. Also, it is to help people within the pregnancy/infant loss community to learn more about each other, grief aside. I really liked this idea, and decided to jump in and participate! 

Sunday, June 1, 2014


I haven't written in a while, again. I feel like I've said that every time I write lately. 

It has been a exhausting month (or so) full of doctors and blood tests. Searching for answers. 

While all of this has been overwhelming, it is also comforting. Listening to the results was overwhelming and sharing them with family was even more so. It took me a while to work up to writing this post to share with all of our friends. 

Noonan Syndrome. 

Two simple words. All of the answers possibly wrapped up in two simple words. The genetic specialist believes Connor had Noonan Syndrome. This would not necessarily be a fatal diagnosis. Why was it for Connor? We will never know. 

If you decide to Google Noonan Syndrome, please look at support websites. They are the kindest way to find out information. You will see pictures of happy healthy kids and adults. Noonan Syndrome effects learning, heart and blood function, appearance, and other things. 

We will never know 100% if Connor for sure had Noonan Syndrome. It is impossible to give a 100% diagnosis, since he isn't here to run more tests. However, pretty much everything in his autopsy adds up with Noonan Syndrome. 

I didn't feel like this blog, which I have used to document my grief, would ever be truly complete without including these results. 

They ran extensive tests on me, and nothing alarming was found. This is good news. This means that Connor's disorder was most certainly a "sporadic mutation". While that sounds like a bad thing, it just means that it wasn't in our genes. This mean that there is pretty much no chance of it happening again. This gives some comfort moving forward. 

Monday, April 21, 2014

Lessons of Grief

I know I have been quiet lately. I have opened my blog many times to write out a new post. I just haven't had it in me. I have been having a hard time lately, and am willing to admit it. I am working through some new struggles. Writing does help me, but it can also be very tiring. It is hard to be honest with myself and others. Even more so to put it all in print for people to read and scrutinize. 

I finished my Grief Share course last week. I feel like it has helped and would recommend it to anyone who asked. Some of the last sessions were dedicated to "20 lessons of grief". These helped me to reflect upon what my grief has "taught" me. I may not have 20, but I do have some lessons I think are worth mentioning. However, today I want to share with you some things that my grief has taught me:

Saturday, March 29, 2014

The Question(s)

I've been wanting to write about this for a while. I feel like now is the time. 

I hear you in the grocery store, or at a family function. 
I see your comments, and questions, on Facebook. 

Sometimes to family.
Sometimes to coworkers.
Sometimes to near strangers.

It, honestly, is not your business. 
Not only is it not your business, it can be hurtful. 
However, you think it is a cute and funny question.

I'm talking about a few forms of the same question: 
When are you going to start your family? 
Are you pregnant? 
Are you trying for a baby (or trying again)? 

Sunday, March 9, 2014

My New Normal

I have changed the name of my blog. You have probably already realized that. All of my stories and posts are still here. You can still click the button to the right, to read Connor's story. The reason I started writing. 

I just never really liked the blog name "Live, Laugh, Read". I had to name the blog, to be able to start writing. I had no clue what I wanted to name it at the time. I just wanted to write. I threw something in the text box. I thought "Who cares? I will mostly be writing to myself anyway." Turns out, I cared. Every time I wrote a post, there was that blog title staring at me. I had to fix it. 

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Connor's Birthday

I put up a short post yesterday. It included a picture from yesterday. I wanted to share a little more about our day. I can't believe a year has passed already. It went unbelievably quick. 

My mom and I spent the first part of the day together. We went to lunch, then we picked out some special balloons for the Angel of Hope. We got five balloons; red, orange, yellow, blue, and green. When we got to the Angel of Hope, I told my mom I wasn't going to release them. I wanted to just leave them at his brick. Right as I walked up to Connor's brick the red balloon untied somehow, and blew away. I joked with my mom that I guess Connor wanted that balloon. I said we can just leave the rest. Then, the orange one popped. 

At this point, I said I think he is saying he wants the stinking balloons, so we released them.