I know that everything will go on, and be alright even. I have hope that some day we will have a little one running around our house. I have hope that we will continue to honor Connor the rest of our lives, even while raising his sibling some day.
I don't know when it will happen, but I know that it will.
I have hope that I will get through the, eventual, next pregnancy unscathed. I have hope that I won't worry every second of every day that something horrible has happened.
There is one thing that has given me a lot of hope. I held the first newborn, since holding Connor in my arms. I had a lot of fear going into this situation. Fear of how I might feel. Fear of how I might emotionally react. However, I knew I was going into a loving situation with a lot of support.
Remember that gender reveal party? With those fabulous friends of mine? Their baby arrived in late September. A beautiful, healthy, baby boy. Meet Callum. (His photo is posted with his mother's permission. Thank you Sarah for allowing me to share this.)
This little boy gave me so much hope. When I was driving up to meet him, I was scared of what may pop into my heart when he was in my arms. He was the very first baby, this small, I've held since Connor. Would it only bring back hard memories? Would I instantly start crying on my dear friend's baby?
Nope. None of that. I was so happy.
I was overjoyed, to be holding this precious baby.
I was ecstatic for his parents.
I can't wait to see him again.
Thank you Josh, Sarah, and Callum for instilling a huge amount of hope in my heart.
Someday, I will be holding my rainbow baby in my arms.
When I'm ready.
October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness month. I'm participating in the Capture Your Grief project. This project was set up by another blogger. It is a way to travel through grief, with others. I will not stress myself out if I don't get every single day. Some days may only be posted here, others only on Facebook, and some on both media outlets. Read more about it at this website.
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