It has been a while since my last blog post.
The last one was in early October.
I could say that life has been busy. That I just haven't had time to get on here to post any updates. The truth is that in October we got big news. News that our family will be growing. While this news is fabulous, long waited for news, there are mixed feelings when you have a past like mine.
Don't get me wrong, there is joy. Endless joy. I couldn't be more excited about this little one coming. However, within the cracks of that joy many things peek through. Fear. Anxiety. Worry.
I have worked on staying positive since we found out that we are expecting a baby in June. Keeping those scary thoughts away is at times a full time job. They always lurk under the surface ready to pop up when least expected.
We have been as cautious as can be. There have been extra ultrasounds, specialists, genetic tests, and just a ton of general caution against any "dangers". Everything has gone fantastic. There have been no indicators of any issues to come.
Most recently, there was an ultrasound with a high risk specialist. As she sat there telling me a few times "Everything is going to be fine. She looks great!", I of course felt reassurance. However, what creeps along with that is "How can you be so certain?"
As I get further along, and other pregnant women's minds have moved on from any big fears, my fears pop up more and more.
I don't allow these thoughts to stay long. They are not welcome visitors in my mind. They intrude and are rude, and then are shown the door promptly. As I know, they don't help anything.
As we move forward I know that we have an incredible amount of family, friends, and medical professionals on our side. I know that hundreds of prayers are sent up daily just for this little girl. I truly appreciate every single one of them.
Thank you to everyone who has shown support so far. The amount has been overwhelming and amazing.