Me Now. Well, right this second, I'm doing well. I'm sitting in bed, all snuggled up in a hoody I purchased at yesterday's walk. Knowing that Connor's name is gracing my back, along with him being in my heart. I can look outside and see the beauty in a clear, crisp, fall day.
Me two minutes from now? Who knows.
It can really be that quick of a change. Today marks seven months since the day Connor was born sleeping. I can hear a song that brings the grief crashing back down. It can change by the minute, day, or week. I don't cry every single day anymore. I may even go more than a few weeks without crying. I think that is an "improvement".
For right now, this picture represents me the best. I am in the ultimate spot of up and down. It doesn't mean I don't enjoy life. I do. In fact, I think in some ways I appreciate small things much more since before losing Connor. I don't have any veil over my head about being invincible or nothing bad happening. It makes me enjoy those good moments even more.
Some times, maybe this is the right in the middle spot, I can be smiling and enjoying a moment while being torn up inside wishing Connor could be here to enjoy the day with us. I can be happy, while knowing in my heart something is missing from the moment at the same time.
The most important thing is: I am at a point where I know all will be okay.
October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness month. I'm participating in the Capture Your Grief project. This project was set up by another blogger. It is a way to travel through grief, with others. I will not stress myself out if I don't get every single day. Some days may only be posted here, others only on Facebook, and some on both media outlets. Read more about it at this website.
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