1.) Describe a time you made things…awkward.
So, I have a new normal. My old normal will most likely never return. Part of this new normal is making a lot of things awkward. Just by being in the room or area. I can turn a normal conversation completely awkward without trying.
People go silent when I walk up on them talking about a baby, child, or motherhood. They look upon with horror if they "accidentally" mention a baby directly to me.
This was my latest encounter:
M: "How are you doing?"
Me: "I'm doing well, on summer break now."
M: " That's good. I saw R the other day and her new baby.. look of shock.. he was really cute (trailing off."
Me: "He is cute! I saw some pictures on Facebook."
M: "Oh my gosh. I am so sorry. I wasn't even thinking when I brought up the baby. I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry."
Then, I have to go into explaining how it is really okay and we are still happy for others and others should still be happy. See. Normal conversation turned completely awkward. I wasn't even trying!
I am not the only one with this new super power. My husband has it too. He has walked up on conversations to have pictures flung into hiding, a new baby was born. We try to convey how we really are doing alright. We are becoming accustomed to our new normal.
Lucky us, the king and queen of awkward for now! Soon, hopefully, people will let comments about babies slide. They hopefully will show us pictures with the same care free smiles they used to. For now, we will continue to try to just tell people "it's okay, really."
It's such a sensitive subject, people just don't know what to say. I'm so sorry that people are awkward around you. And I'm so sorry that I feel compelled to tell "sorry" for what you've been through. And I'm so sorry that I'm making this comment awkward too...
ReplyDeleteThank you. And yes, I do think that is a huge part of it. No one knowing what to say. The funny thing is most of the time others are way more conscious of things than I am! Like the convo above. I didn't think anything of it until she looked horrified! Thank you for stopping by. :)
DeleteSometimes we don't ask for awkward, do we! It just happens because we experience something that is awkward for other people. I don't know what it is like to have a stillborn baby, but I do know what it is like to lose a 32 year old daughter in a very horrific and tragic way. Her husband killed her almost 4 months ago, and then killed himself, leaving four beautiful and innocent children behind. Total heartbreak. I know it is awkward for others, but it is extremely healing for me to talk about one of the most beautiful people I have ever had the honor of knowing... my Shaniel. Is it healing for you to talk about your loss? It is sensitive and hard, but something we have to go through. We have no choice. I have been thankful for those who have appreciated me talking about it, and for those who have had hugs and listening ears. They don't really have to say anything at all... just showing they care is good enough for now. Hugs coming your way... from me.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. I can't imagine your pain. Many prayers sent out to you and those sweet little ones. Yes, it does help me to talk about him. It makes him feel more "real". I love when people call him by name. It makes me feel like they realize he was alive to me. Many virtual hugs your way as well!
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