Yesterday was one of those days. A start sobbing in the shower, without any clear trigger, and struggling to get through the rest of the day, days. There were a lot of tears.
There was also a birthday party, smack dab in the middle of my break down. I almost didn't go. I was worried I wouldn't be able to hold it together. If it weren't one of my nephew's party, I would have just stayed home. However, I didn't want to disappoint my nephew, so I forced myself to finish getting ready.
I held it together temporarily. I had to leave the party early, and a little abruptly. I may not have literally danced, or even laughed, at the party. I did still participate in life though.
This is a step in the right direction, and I'll take it. I may not happy go lucky every day, or at every event, but I'm trying to at least learn how to participate when I'm down.
I promptly allowed myself to crawl back into bed after the party without guilt. I think I earned it. The bad days are already getting a lot fewer and further between, but I need to not make myself feel guilty when they do pop up. It is okay to be bogged down by a bad day occasionally still. I need to remember, it has only been 10 months.
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