Day 25: #SayItOutLoud

Day 25 has stumped me a bit. Here is the description: 

Say It Out Loud is The STILL Project’s famous hashtag. STILL is a feature-length documentary film project aimed at breaking the cycle of silence surrounding pregnancy and infant loss. If you could say anything out loud about your journey with grief with the death or your baby, what would it be? What do you want the world to know? Is there a cause that touches your heart that you want to raise awareness for?  Source.

Honestly, I have thought long and hard about what to say to others. I'm going to try to put a few things out there without sounding awful. Hang in there with me. Know that this all comes from a good place. Most of all, don't be afraid to ask me if anything comes across to you wrong or unclear. 


1. Forget about the "safe" date. This is more to those who are planning to get pregnant or are pregnant. I hear so many people saying that they are out of the "dangerous" time. This isn't meant to scare, but seriously, there is not a safe zone. There are so many things that can go wrong. I was not above this. After our anatomy scan (approx 20 weeks), I settled in for smooth sailing. It isn't really thought about. Things going wrong so late. This is all part of breaking the silence. 1 in 4 women will experience a loss of some type. 1 in 160 pregnancies will end in a still birth. 

2. Grief is not a straight path. I think I talked about this a little before. However, I really wish they would stop pushing the theory about the stages of grief. It just isn't true. You never get past one stage, only to never revisit it. The "stages" are all visited multiple times. It's okay. Talk to anyone who has grieved anyone close to them. It is not a one way ticket. You don't "graduate" to each stage. It is messy and blurry. You can feel five thousand things at once. Don't feel guilty and grieve however you need to grieve. 

3. Don't pressure yourself. This is to those who may be facing a loss of any sort right now. Don't do it. I did and probably still do sometimes. I have never learned to just say no when I don't feel comfortable doing something. I usually end up having to leave that thing early and being upset the rest of the day. I'm going to practice taking care of me a bit more. If others don't understand of like it; I guess that is too bad. 

4. Be kind. I feel like one thing this journey has taught me is that you truly have no clue what others are facing. There are times I am grocery shopping with a smile, while I'm actually on the brink of absolute emotional destruction. It has made me wonder what all the other people I run into throughout the day are facing/dealing with and made me more conscious of my actions towards others. Maybe that woman is in your way at the cold case because she is just trying to hold it together and can't focus for 30 seconds to figure out which gallon of milk to pick up. Your day may be inconvenienced, but not ruined. 

5. Grief is hard on relationships. All relationships. Family. Friends. Spouses. Acquaintances. I feel like it has shifted everything a little bit. I know it has made me more "raw" to things. I have taken some things harder than I would have, gotten offended a little easier, and avoided some people I wouldn't have before. Don't get me wrong, some relationships get stronger and are effected in a good way. However, grief makes some relationships more difficult than they are worth, as brutal as that sounds. It's okay that some people may have spaced themselves from me more or grown away completely. That is all part of it. 

6. I will be okay. No matter how hard these past seven months have been, and the time ahead of me will continue to be. I will be okay. 

October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness month. I'm participating in the Capture Your Grief project. This project was set up by another blogger. It is a way to travel through grief, with others. I will not stress myself out if I don't get every single day. Some days may only be posted here, others only on Facebook, and some on both media outlets. Read more about it at this website.