Early morning, and late at night, easily lends itself to grief. It is so quiet. It allows all those thoughts, which a busy day keeps away, to creep back in to your mind. Even Ella is quiet and calm in the morning. These times are the hardest on my pathway through my grief. I lay awake at night thinking about anything, and everything. I space out as I'm getting ready for work, when one tiny detail creeps randomly back into my mind.
I've always been an early riser. When I was little, I would get up at 6 am whether we were at home or camping, and just enjoy the morning. It used to be this quiet that I loved. Most people are still sleeping, and the world was mine to enjoy.
Now, the quiet is what I try to avoid. I instantly turn on the television, or get online. Anything to keep me distracted.
I will enjoy morning again someday. For now, I will muddle through it.
October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness month. I'm participating in the Capture Your Grief project. This project was set up by another blogger. It is a way to travel through grief, with others. I will not stress myself out if I don't get every single day. Some days may only be posted here, others only on Facebook, and some on both media outlets. Read more about it at this website.
I found you through Capture your Grief. I lost my son, Joshua, when he was 2 months old from a congenital heart defect in 2010. His "angelversary" (I hate that term) is Oct. 6. When you wrote, "I will enjoy morning again someday. For now, I will muddle through it." I remembered my feelings about morning as well. You will learn to love mornings again. It's been 3 years for our family- it doesn't get easier, but you will learn how to live again.
ReplyDeleteI also read that you are close to a big city. I grew up in Munster, IN. My husband and I live in Fort Wayne, IN. I was wondering if you were close to Chicago? We still have family out in that area and travel that way often. <3
Looking forward to your future posts with Capture your Grief. I pray that it will bring some healing to you.
Jill
Thank you for sharing your story! The quietest time is definitely the hardest.
DeleteWe actually live near St. Louis! Not too incredibly far from Chicago.